Coyans in the Czech Republic

Czech Red Tape...a fairy tale written by Dan

My father sent us two packages. The first package was held in customs in Prague, because it contained beef jerky (apparently it is a European law, to keep mad cow disease out of the EU - one of my students works for the Czech customs department, and she told me it is a new law here). Anyway, the same thing happened to the second package - the 10 lb. monster package - it was held for the same reasons. So last week on Friday, we took the girls out of school and made a trip to Prague. It's about a two hour drive from here, and it was really beautiful, because all the leaves are beginning to change color. Really I've never seen anything like it, and I think in a few more weeks it will be spectacular. So we parked at a shopping mall on the outskirts of Prague, and took the Metro (underground super-modern subway) into town. From our station, it was about a two mile walk to the customs post office. When we arrived, we entered the main lobby and took a number for the "customs packages" window. Our number was called immediately, and we showed the man there our two letters explaining the packages held because of the beef jerky. He said we must go upstairs to another office. We arrived at a plain waiting room, with a white door that had an illuminated "5" sign above it. Before we could enter, a woman approached us and asked what we needed. We showed her the letter and she pointed us to another office. So we went there - it was a big open office with several women in white uniforms looking suspiciously at us. We showed one woman our two letters, and explained in our best Czech what had happened. She told us that the first package was past its time limit and had been sent back to the States. Then another woman came over and said the package was still here, and that we must return to the office with the white unmarked door. I asked about the second package, and she didn't realize we had two - but then she said we must go to the unmarked office for that as well. We returned to that office and sat outside, and then a menacing voice recording straight from the communist era told us in a deep Czech timbre to enter - sort of like something from the Wizard of Oz. So we came into this office, and it was full of uniformed policemen in booths. We went up to one, and showed him the letters. He talked too fast for us to really understand, but basically lectured us that beef cannot be sent here and that we must pay to have it sent back before he will talk with us. He gave us a slip of paper and sent us downstairs to the first big lobby. We took a number there, waited some time, then talked to a women when our number was called and showed her the slip of paper. She said we must pay her 300 crowns (about $15), and gave us a new slip of paper to take to the policeman upstairs. We returned to him, and he said something about paying 4000 crowns (about $200) to get the packages - then gave me some other papers, and told me to return to the room with the white uniformed women. So we went there, kids in tow. The women there stared at us like they had never seen us before - and we showed them the papers. One of them asked for my passport - which I had accidently left back in the car (an hour away). I asked if my California drivers license would suffice - and she accepted it (a miracle). She talked too rapidly for us to really understand - then sent us back to our chairs. Then another women came over and told me to go back to the policeman - but when I got up to leave she asked me why I was leaving. Then she told me to talk to another white uniformed woman. That woman made me sign some papers, then sent me to another desk - where a rather dour-looking man took the papers and walked off. After waiting a few minutes he returned, low and behold, with the two packages. I signed for them and we made our way out of the maze of offices back to the street. This time we hopped on a passing tram, and it took us back to the metro station. So we returned via the Metro to our car, and began the 2-hour drive back home. On the way, Krista opened the boxes and her eyes popped out of her face. There - on top of everything else in both boxes - was all the beef jerky!!!! They had never bothered to take it out. A few minutes later we stopped laughing, and had a nice supper of beef jerky on the way home.