Coyans in the Czech Republic

Falling...falling

The leaves are starting to turn. They are starting to fall. It is colder...you can feel it creeping up on you. This is how I feel inside. I feel colder, like something is creeping up on me. I feel something shifting like I am at the edge of a precipice poised for a fall. In my experience, emotions are not to be trusted. In the Bible it says, "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure, who can understand it?" (Jeremiah 17:9). I do not feel very close to God right now. I feel like I have wandered off somewhere distracted by something I deemed important at the time but only served to ensnare me. But has God really left me to my own devices? No. I don't believe that. Rather, it seems that emptiness I feel, that loneliness is like a siren's call to come home. To Him. I am thankful for it for if I felt nothing I would have more to fear. Numbness. In our light and momentary troubles that we have found ourselves much discussion about why we are in CZ and what has been accomplished has occured. I don't have answers, only more questions and confusion. What I see now is that these queries and this confusion are meant to be given to Him. To Our Father who cares for us. Much like a child who has had a rough day longs to climb into their mum's lap or into their father's arms for comfort. I needn't expect to understand it all, only to be comforted and loved by the One in whom I place my trust. I am ready to follow again, I am ready to trust in Him. I am ready to stop trying to figure it out with my brain and heart, for these mortal organs fail me consistently. I am done with my season of wandering off looking at baubles. The precipice can be dangerous. I don't want to fall.